Move one step at a time
by Ashley Thompson
We are at Lisa V.’s Diamonds and Rose party where the Housewives are taking their usual positions. Doris has a gold leaf mullet top and Erika has pink hair from root to tip, and they are both staring like the other is insane. The true lunatics may be Lisa R. and Eden who like to put the drama on each other instead of taking responsibility for themselves. So at this point, it’s unclear who the villain is, but all signs point to Dorit. She stirred the pot a little too long on Erika’s panty-gate and now has accused Lisa R. of a Xanax problem and the scandal just won’t die.
In fact, Dorit confides in Kyle’s sister, Kim, that perhaps Lisa R.’s husband may be cheating on her. Mostly in response to Rinna’s previous sly accusation about PK, “Why would she be so threatened by Erika if she trusted her husband?”. Burn! Dorit feels that Rinna is projecting, but it sounds more like a new subject to beat to death next season. Lisa R. is always the go-to girl for placing the blame for drama since everyone seems to have a negative history with her. Is it real, though? Because one would think that if every Housewife had beef with one woman, she would no longer be around. Yet here she is, smiling as usual.
Eileen cannot let this one die. She wants to squash this bug ASAP, much to Rinna’s dismay. Not during the party, darling! Yet she yells out for the women to come and discuss every single piece of drama brought up this year. What should be between Dorit and Lisa R. has now blossomed into an entire party scene where Rinna’s Xanax “paranoia” is now center stage. Which scandal is the lead here?
PK, Dorit’s husband, even decides to join the ladies in their intensity. Because what’s better than a group of women pulling at each other than a grown man throwing himself into the middle for attention? Let the ladies get out their grievances before jumping in with your insults. Erika has no time for insincerity and has no intention of letting PK off the hook for panty-gate. Watching her work a grievance is like watching Matisse paint (or so we can assume). Masterful, genius, and stoic. Eileen jumps to Erika’s defense and is immediately the new target for Dorit and PK. And then it’s over in an instant. But the night isn’t.
Eden now wants to have her turn at some fight. She rips Lisa Rinna up and down, very loudly, in the middle of the party. Airing every single issue the two have ever had. “I gave you everything!”. Um… editing would have us believe that you two barely know each other. What exactly are you exhausted from giving? And why so riled up about Lisa R. being emotionally unavailable? It all smells of a truth bomb that dying to explode.
Erika: Xxpensive is climbing the Billboard dance charts. She’s been asked to return to The Young and the Restless. And she’s currently dancing her heart out on Dancing With the Stars.
Eileen: Is waiting on Erika to invite her to a music video to return the favor of The Young and the Restless role.
Dorit: Her son is now speaking a handful of words.
Lisa Vanderpump: She’s still fighting for dogs.
Lisa Rinna: Still doesn’t “give two fucks” about what people think about her. She’s hustling with her model daughters and celebrating 20 years of marriage.
Kyle: Her scripted show American Woman has been picked up and she’s starting a complete remodel on her home.
Photo by: Isabella Vosmikova/Bravo